Wedding Etiquette: Venmo-ing The Couple

Updated October 15, 2021

The answers to wedding etiquette questions are no longer as clear as they might have once been, but that’s okay! Some issues, like inviting a plus one when you weren’t given one, are clear (DON’T DO IT!). But others, like whether or not Venmo-ing the happy couple is okay, are a little grayer. 

The classic wedding registry, while still common, isn’t the only option for couples anymore. Sometimes they specifically ask for money - maybe in the form of a newlywed fund or donations toward a down payment on a home.

In a world where a lot of couples either already live together or separately have accrued a number of household goods, there’s less of a need for registries designed to fill the kitchen.

A lot of couples are footing the bill, at least partially, for their wedding. So, why not boost their bank account with a little bit of cash?

Still, the question remains, how should you deliver the dough? Receiving cash or a check along with a handwritten card isn’t anything new. But what about digitally sending them money? Is it tacky? Is it allowed? 

Venmo is one of the most popular money transferring apps around. In fact, it’s set up to be social media-adjacent, with the ability to like and comment on other peoples’ transactions. But the question remains, is it okay to Venmo the newlyweds their wedding gift? 

There are three questions you should ask that will help you get to the right answer.

1.     How well do I know the couple?

If you answered, “I don’t know them well” or “We’re friends but not particularly close”, don’t Venmo them. Essentially, if you don’t know them well enough to be certain they wouldn’t balk at a Venmo wedding gift, then opt for something more traditional. Cash in a card or a gift off their registry will be just fine! If you answered, “They’re my best friend!”, your relationship is probably solid enough that your Venmo wouldn’t be received as impersonal and you’d know if that was something they wanted. 

2.     Why am I Venmo-ing them as opposed to picking a gift from their registry?

Ask yourself why Venmo is the better alternative to something on their registry. If you don’t know them well enough to venture from the registry, then don’t. It’s better to play it safe than be sorry if your monetary gift offends them.

If you know the couple well and know they’ve expressed interest in getting a family dog or a new car once married, then giving them a Venmo gift could be an easy way to get them closer to that goal. Weigh your options and understanding of the couple before deciding.  

3.     Why am I Venmo-ing as opposed to giving them money in another form? 

Last but not least, if you aren’t sure why you’re Venmo-ing them because you’ll see them tomorrow, ask yourself if you’d rather leave a check or cash and sentimental card.

If they’ve expressed their desire to receive money through Venmo instead of through cash or a check (who wants to go through the hassle of depositing it), go ahead! But if any doubts are swirling in your mind, spring for a nice card and write a thoughtful message to go along with your check.  

Finally, if you are Venmoing your gift because you won’t be attending the wedding in-person, then it’s totally acceptable. Just be sure to write them a little love note in your transaction, so they know you were thinking of them! 

When to send a Venmo wedding gift.

Okay, by now you know that it’s almost always acceptable to send a Venmo gift with just a few exceptions. But when should you send it? 

Part of the fun of getting married is sitting down with your new spouse after the wedding and tallying up your goodies. It’s like a little birthday party or Christmas morning. No one wants to admit it, but we all love getting showered with gifts. The more gifts you get to open after your wedding, the more fun it is. 

But what’s not fun? Opening up one lonely card with a $20 bill in it after your wedding because everyone already Venmoed you in the weeks leading up to the event. We highly recommend sending your Venmo gift during the reception or right after the wedding. We know, using your phone during a wedding might not be sound etiquette advice, but if your bestie is going to wake up to a new Venmo transaction the morning after their wedding, we’d say it’s okay. 

There’s no perfect formula for deciding whether Venmo is the right way to gift a couple, but this should give you good guidelines to decide upon. Happy gifting! 

Can I ask for Venmo donations for a wedding gift? 

If you’re reading this as an engaged couple, you’re probably wondering if it’s even okay to ask for money, via Venmo or another digital option, for your wedding. We say absolutely. In general, you do want to still have a traditional registry. People enjoy giving physical gifts for weddings. But for those who hate making decisions or who don’t want to travel with a gift, then asking for a monetary present is perfectly okay. And, we think it’s going to just become more common over the years. 

Don’t forget! If you’re live streaming your wedding with LoveStream, we’re always happy to link to your Venmo, Cashapp, or Honeymoon fund on your wedding website!